To Be Or Not To Be
Chapter One
Jean-Luc sat in his Ready Room
contemplating what he want to do next in his life. He had made captain and now he was about to become an admiral. He remembered Kirk's words. "Don't let them promote you."
He loved being captain of the Enterprise, but he also loved
Beverly. He did not want to lose her, but he did not know what she wanted.
He knew she loved and cared for him, but he was not sure how
much. He saw how happy Will and Deanna were now that they were to be married soon and he wanted those same feelings. To be married to Beverly Crusher would be nice. To wake up next to her every morning, for the rest of his life would be a dream come true. To not be married to her, made him feel as though he would soon be alone for the rest of his life. He felt he would die alone if he never asked her. He longed for her so very much. He wanted her to be his wife, but what did she want.
He told himself that if he never asked her, he would never know. He thought of Shakespear's words in Hamlet. "To be or not to be? That is the question." To be married to Beverly or not to be? That was Jean-Luc's question at the moment. He did not want to die a lonely man, who did not take the chance of asking the woman he loved so much to be his wife. He wanted that same happiness that Will and Deanna were currently experiencing. He wanted the great love of his life to be his wife for better or for worse, but he feared her answer.
He knew he had hurt her badly when he fell in love with the Ba'Ku woman. She was much older, but yet she was so beautiful. Could it have been one last fling or was he afraid to be involved with a woman almost twenty years his junior? Or was it because he was still afraid to get involved with his late friend's wife?
"Damn it, Jean-Luc!" He said to himself. "It was not your fault! When are you going to get over it? Just ask her."
However, intrepidation still lingered no matter how much he tried to get the urge to ask her to marry him. He pondered how to ask her, while at the same time trying to get up the courage to ask her to marry him.
"If I don't ask her, she'll move on to Starfleet medical and I might never see her again." He thought to himself mournfully. "I want what Will and Deanna have. "To be married to Beverly would make me a very happy man. To not be married to her would be a sad prediciment in my life, for I would not have taken the opportunity to reach out for what could be as wonderful as what Will and Deanna have."
He thought for a moment and anxiety started to build again.
"Picard to Riker."
*Riker here.*
"Would you come see me in my Ready Room?"
*On my way, Sir.*
A moment later, Will enters Picard's Ready Room. "You wanted to see me, Sir?"
"Yes, Number One." Picard answered and gestured to a chair. "Have a seat."
Will takes a chair in front of Picard's desk. He was very curious about what his captain wanted to talk to him about.
Picard sat for a moment with his hands together and pointed
upward towards his mouth as they rested on his chin. He pondered his words carefully and then stood. For a moment he looks out of his window into space. Then walks around to the front of his desk and sits on the edge of it.
"Will, I am so very happy for you and Deanna."
Will was not sure how to take his captain's informality. So, he sat for a moment to let him finish.
"And I am honoured to preside over your wedding."
"Thank you, Sir." Will finally replied. "Deanna and I are very glad you are willing to do this for us."
Picard took a deep breath. "I am going to miss the two of you when you leave for your own ship." Picard then smiles. "Even so, you really do deserve the premotion and you're taking a fine counselor with you. I really admire you."
"Sir, I get the feeling there's more here than just
congratulations."
Picard smiled. "You're very perceptive."
"Thank you." Will said and then silently to himself he added, "I think."
Picard rose from his position and walks back over to his view port to look out of it. As he stood in front of it looking out he finally said, "I have been pondering Shakespeare's Hamlet, To Be or Not to Be." He paused briefly. "And how to ask Beverly to marry me."
Will smiled. "So this is what this is all about." He said to himself.
"I must admit." Picard continued. "I envy the two of you and I've been wanting what the two of you have." Then he turns to face Will, as he adds, "With Beverly of course."
Will chuckles with happiness. "I'm not sure what to say, but if she says yes, I'll be very happy for the two of you. As well as Deanna, I'm sure. She's been wanting to see the two of you get together. She feels you two belong together."
"Yes, well, I'm not sure what Beverly wants." Picard replied sadly, turning back around to face Will. "I haven't gotten the courage to ask her yet."
"From what Deanna says," Will began. "Beverly is just waiting on you to say what you would want and from what I understand, it seems her feelings are mutual."
"Yes, but I've hurt her very badly and I'm not so sure if she would want to commit to me now."
"You won't know until you ask." Will stated.
"Yes." Picard nods. "Quite right."
Will sits with a wide grin on his face as Picard turns back to the window. "I would be very devestated if she said
no."
"Maybe, but if she were to say yes, how would you
feel?"
"Oh, very elated!" Happiness could be heard in Picard's voice.
"Well, then." Will began, still smiling. "I say then ask her."
Picard nodded and turned to face Will again. "If she says yes, then, since you are becoming a captain yourself, would you like to return the favour?"
"Are you asking me to preside over your wedding if she says yes?" Will inquired.
"Yes, I am." Picard said nodding. "I would be very happy to have my former first officer marry us."
Will stands and walks over to shake Picard's hand. As they shook hands Will says, "I'd be honoured to return the
favour."
"Thank you, Will."
"Now, not to order my captain around, for I'd never dream of that." Will said with a playful smile. "Go ask her before she gets away."
"Aye, Aye, Captain." Picard replies playfully with an old fashion salute.
Then Will got serious once more. "Is there anything else, Sir?"
"No, no." Picard answered. "You're
dismissed."
Will starts to head for the door to go back to the Bridge, but pauses before he exited. "Captain, for what it's worth, I had to build up some courage myself to ask Deanna to marry me, but like I said you'll never know until you ask. Don't let her get away without asking."
"Thank you." Picard replied. "I appreciate your advice."
Then Will departed for the Bridge leaving Jean-Luc to stare out of his view port. "To be or not to be? That is the
question." Jean-Luc said to himself. Then with all the
determination he could mustard, he headed out of the door of his Ready Room to Sick Bay thinking, "To be."
Chapter Two
Jean-Luc walks into Sickbay and the
overwhelming feeling of the possibility that Beverly might say no was coming over him again. He spies her and freezes where he stood. The intripidation grew suddenly again.
"Jean-Luc!" Beverly exclaimed. "What brings you here?"
"I. A." He paused. "Can we talk in your
office?"
"Yes." She said wondering what could possibly be
bothering him. He obviously had something heavy on his mind and she was very curious what it was.
She turned and lead him to her office. She started to head for a seat, when Jean-Luc reached out and touched her arm. She paused and turned to face him.
"What is it, Jean-Luc?" She asked with concern in her voice.
"There's something I've been meaning to ask you." He stated. "But I'm having a hard time gaining the courage to do so."
"What is it you want to ask me?" She inquired. She felt his uneasiness and began to worry about him.
"Will you marry me?" He blurted the words out very
quickly. So, quickly that Beverly was almost not sure what he had asked.
She stared in shock. "What did you say?"
Picard's stomach felt like it had dropped. Then
uncharacteristically he shyly said, "I asked you to marry me."
She threw her arms around him with joy and elation as she said, "Oh, Jean-Luc! Yes! Yes!"
Then she pressed her lips against his and kissed him very
passionately. Her kiss was filled with a lot of love.
Jean-Luc's heart fluttered with joy and happiness, because the great love of his life had said yes to him. He embrased her and returned her kiss with all the love he had for her.
When they broke from the kiss Jean-Luc said with a smile,
"You know, you just made me one of the happiest men in the universe?"
"You just made me one of the happiest women." She
stated with a smile as she looked into his eyes. "Then
again, I never could say no to you."
Jean-Luc almost chuckled as he returned her gaze. "So, is that the reason you said yes?"
Still holding him in her arms, she replied with tears of joy in her eyes, "Oh, Jean-Luc! If you only knew how long I've been waiting for you to ask me."
"Beverly, I love you and I don't want to lose you." Jean-Luc stated. "And I am so sorry I hurt you. I had no idea how you felt until now."
"I love you, Jean-Luc." Beverly replied. "If you had only asked me sooner how I felt." She released him from her embrase and sadly continues. "Then again, I never gave you any indication how I really felt after we were separated from each other a few years ago. It was being attached that gave our feelings away. Then we tried to shut them off as if it had never happened. So, I guess we are both to blame."
"Maybe so, but I am so happy that we now are sharing our feelings." Picard said. "And I am very happy that you are willing to be with me for the rest of our lives."
"But there is the matter of Starfleet Medical."
Picard nodded. "I guess we'll have to figure something
out."
Kirk's words echoed in his head again. "Don't let them
promote you." Then he thought, "But if they did, I
could be stationed near her."
Finally, Jean-Luc said, "You know, if I accept the promotion to Admiral, we might be stationed near each other."
"Jean-Luc, are you really sure you want to give up the
Enterprise?"
"To be with you?" He asked. "Yes, if that's what it takes for us to be together."
"Well, then." She smiled. "If you're sure, there is the matter of a ring."
"Oh, yes." Picard replied. "Why don't we go take care of that now?"
The two of them walked hand in hand out of her office only
releasing each other's hands when they ran into Nurse Ogawan.
"Venessa, could you take over for a little while?"
Beverly asked with a smile. "There's a little matter of an engagement ring we need to take care of."
"Dr. Crusher!" She exclaimed and gave her a hug.
"Congratulations!"
"Thank you." Beverly replied as she returned her hug.
Then Venessa pulled away from Beverly and added, "To both of you."
Jean-Luc nodded.
"I'll be happy to look after things here while you two go and do that." Vanessa stated with a big smile.
"Thanks, Vanessa." Beverly said with a smile. Then she and Jean-Luc left Sickbay to look at rings.
Later, that day, Beverly paid Deanna a visit. She stood outside Deanna's quarters waiting for her to answer the chime.
Deanna opened the door a few seconds later to invite her in and Beverly excitedly chasse'd into the quarters. "Deanna! I have some exciting news to tell you!"
Then she saw Will sitting on the couch and asked, "Did I come at a bad time?"
"No, Beverly." Deanna reassured her. "It's quite alright. What is it you want to tell me?"
"Well, I'm happy to tell both of you." She said with a smile. "Jean-Luc proposed to me."
Then as she was nearly dancing where she stood, she showed the engagement ring to Deanna and Will. The diamond sparkled in the light and Deanna gawked at the ring. "It's beautiful!" She exclaimed.
Then Deanna hugged her friend and said cheerfully, "I'm so happy for you. You two deserve to be together."
Beverly hugged her back and replied, still smiling with joy,
"As do you two."
Then the two pulled apart and Will was now standing beside the two of them smiling. "Congratulations."
"Thank you, Will." She said with a smile.
"So, where is the captain?" He inquired.
Beverly sighed. "He's still on duty. We are to meet for
dinner later." Then she added, smiling and almost dancing again, "But I just couldn't wait to tell you, Deanna!"
"I can not only sense you are very happy," Deanna
began. "But you are glowing with joy."
"Does it show that much?"
"You're the dancing doctor all over again." Will
replied teasingly.
"Since I am so happy and I know you're teasing."
Beverly said with a smile. "I'll let that one go."
Will raised his hands in surrender, just as the door chimed
again. Deanna went to answer it.
"Is Beverly here?" Jean-Luc asked. "We're suppose to have dinner together and I thought."
Before he could say another word Deanna replied with a smile, "Congratulations and yes she is." Then proceeded to let him enter.
"So, you finally did it, Sir?" Will asked.
Jean-Luc looked at Will with a thankful smile. "Yes, I
did."
"Well, congratulations, Sir."
"So, are you still willing to return the favour?"
"Yes, Sir. I am very much willing and happy to do so." Will replied.
"Wonderful." Jean-Luc smiled.
"So, have you two set a date?" Will inquired.
"Yes!" Beverly and Jean-Luc chimed in together.
"You go ahead and tell them." Jean-Luc said.
Beverly continued all smiles still. "A year after you two are married."
"Exactly?" Deanna asked with surprise.
"Well, no." Jean-Luc stated. "It'll be the
Saturday nearest the two of your's wedding or what will be your anniversary by then."
"Sounds wonderful!" Will exclaimed with a grin. Then looking at Picard he asked, "So, I guess it is to be?"
Jean-Luc had a brief moment of confussion and then remembered their conversation earlier that day. He smiled back at Will and said, "Yes. It is to be."