Truth, Lies, and Friendship

Rated K+ (PG)

Written by Kazz

Disclaimer: Star Trek belongs to Paramount not me.

Author's note: This story is based on the episode in season 5 called Violations, in which the Enterprise encounters a telepathic alien race, the Ullians, who retrieve people's memories.

Dr. Beverly Crusher felt like a stranger in her own skin as she left her quarters and made her way through the corridors of the Enterprise. It was a feeling that had begun just days earlier, after the Ullian Jev had subjected her to a telepathic form of rape, and was still persisting. She simply didn't feel like herself, and at present, was having difficulty concentrating, which frankly wasn't surprising considering she'd slept little, even with the help of medication.

"Troi to Dr Crusher."

The page startled Beverly. Jumpiness was another side-effect of recent events.

Tapping her commbadge, she replied, "Crusher here."

"Are you ready?" came Counselor Deanna Troi's voice.

"I'm on my way. Crusher out," Beverly quickly responded, ending the communication and silently hoping the counselor and friend had not heard the slight quiver in her voice.

With a sigh, Beverly recovered herself and continued her journey to the counselor's office, setting course for the nearest turbolift. As she walked, she tried to steer her thoughts away from her nightmare, and the upcoming session with the counselors.

Since the incident, there had been seemingly endless appointments, both formal and informal. They had entered Ullian space to be close to their counselors who had bent over backwards to help with the effects of a crime believed eradicated long ago. But no matter how many people she spoke to, Beverly Crusher feared that the images in her mind ... in all their minds ... would never go away.

Each session was emotionally taxing and the last one had ended in anger - Will Riker's. It had been difficult for him to hear Deanna relating her experience. Both his heartbreak at having an intimate memory warped into a nightmare and his agitation at his image being used to hurt Deanna had been almost too much for the Enterprise's strong first officer to bear.

After witnessing Will's reaction to Deanna's recollection, Beverly began to think she might be better off if she kept details of her experience to herself and not involve the person of her own distorted memory ... Jean-Luc Picard. While she knew he was her friend and would listen, she feared discussing it would dredge up guilt and other old feelings for him. Though he never spoke of it, she knew he still carried the burden of the death of his friend and Beverly's husband, Jack Crusher.

Still, Beverly knew Jean-Luc's well-being wasn't her only motivation. The unwelcome jaunt down memory lane that Jev had forced upon her had stirred up her own feelings and emotions about her long-dead husband, feelings and emotions that she'd just as soon not confront with an audience. Memories she thought she'd never have to face... again.

Waiting for the lift, Beverly crossed her arms and chewed on her bottom lip. She lost herself in her thoughts and jumped when, several moments later, a hand suddenly touched her shoulder.

"Beverly, are you alright?"

Beverly looked up into the drawn features of Will Riker. Normally, his expression was almost jovial, his eyes usually filled with humor and the magical Riker twinkle; seeing her friend so distressed sent a flash of anger through her, anger at Jev. She quickly squelched it, though and summoned up a small but sad smile for him.

"I'm fine," she replied, even though she didn't really feel that way, "How are you holding up?"

"I'm fine," he echoed her lie and she saw it for what it was. She didn't call him on it for fear he would call her on her own. Instead, they entered the lift as the doors opened. They passed the first few moments of the ride in silence then Will suddenly spoke, "Computer, halt lift."

Beverly looked over at him and saw him staring at his feet. Keeping his voice low and quiet, he asked, "Beverly, do you think these sessions are helping?" He paused before continuing, "because frankly, I think they're only causing us more pain."

"I've been wondering about that myself," Beverly replied, then, her voice softened, "Have you spoken to Deanna about this, away from the Ullians?"

He shook his head, "No, it's like we're walking on eggshells about *this*." Will turned, holding her with his eyes. "I think she's afraid ...of me, damn it. Beverly I'm afraid of me, I should have been able to stop him, shouldn't I? Do you think she knows that I wouldn't - couldn't do that to her?"

"Oh Will, you didn't have a choice. None of us did..."

"Beverly, I'm losing her."

Looking away, he continued quietly, "What Jev did ... how he used me ... my image to-"

He stopped, his shoulders slumped forward. For a moment she thought he was going to throw up. For the thousandth time she cursed ever meeting the Ullians - Jev.

How dare he do this to them!

She crossed the short distance and stood in front of him, not touching yet close enough to make him look at her. "Will - Jev raped us, you, Deanna... me." He glanced down and for a second, as she noticed the shock followed by resignation on his face, she thought she'd gone too far. "Will, listen to me." She paused. Beverly knew there was no need to be harsh, so she started again, "Will, she knows it wasn't you, that it wasn't your fault. The only person to blame is Jev and you're not going to lose her over him, are you? Your friendship ... your bond is too strong. In time, the fear will subside, for both of you, and for that to happen, you need to sit down on your own and talk things out. In the end, your relationship can only grow stronger."

"You really believe that?" Will asked, his eyes finding Beverly's again, wanting to believe her.

She saw hope in the sparkling blue orbs and smiled a genuine smile this time. "Yes," she replied and watched a grin emerge from between his whiskers.

"Resume," he called out then stood a little taller. Beside him, Beverly found herself doing the same, despite her own nagging fears for her relationship with her captain and dear friend. They exited the lift and made their way to the next group session. The Ullian councilor Karm was already there; she nodded and smiled as they entered. Deanna rose from her chair and spoke as she crossed the room.

"You're late," she frowned and then hugged Beverly as she continued, "I thought you weren't coming."

Beverly returned the hug and then winked as she replied, "No, sorry, we were delayed."

Will feigned total innocence at the fact they were late, spreading his hands out in a familiar gesture, as he replied, "Don't look at me."

Deanna laughed out loud and her two friends joined her, each happy to share these brief snippets of normality. Settling into the armchair, Beverly tucked her feet up under her and listened as Karm started to speak. Talking to Will had eased a little of the uneasiness she felt; maybe they should stop the "official counselling." She tried to stifle a yawn.

'Here, Jack, Beverly - over here,' Walker Keel waved them over to a table close to the stage.

Jack waved back and the couple edged their way through the crowded club towards their friend.

The Hellos, how are yous, and general chat died away and as the trio took their seats.

'Did Jean-Luc say what time he'd be here?' Jack asked glancing at the stage because the show was obviously about to start.

'He said he wouldn't be late, and you know Jean-Luc - he's a man of his word,' Walker replied, lifting his empty glass. 'I'm going to get another drink. What about you two?'

Beverly had known Walker Keel for a few years. He was on the fringes of her group of friends; he'd introduced her to his friend Jack Crusher and they'd fallen head over heels in love.

Before either of them could answer, Walker was shouting again.

'Jean-Luc! Jean-Luc!'

Jack smiled at Beverly; that was Keel all over - loud and devil may care. If there was anyone willing to take a dare, it was Walker. Jack stood as a man made his way towards them, and Beverley got her first glimpse of Jean-Luc Picard. He was smiling, she saw that much before her fiance' pulled the slightly shorter man into a hug; releasing him, he returned to Beverly's side.

Tonight she was being introduced to the third member of the trio, Jean-Luc Picard. The three men had been friends for a long while and always seemed to be spoken of as a group - Keel, Crusher & Picard.

'Beverly Howard, this is Jean-Luc Picard. Jean-Luc, Beverly Howard.'

As she looked up into his eyes, she immediately realised he was a man she could trust. He was a little older than Jack, close to Walker in age she guessed, and his hair was almost cropped. He wasn't good looking like Jack, or handsome like Walker yet there was something about him she liked.

He bowed slightly as he took her hand, 'A pleasure to meet you, Beverly Howard.'

'Thank you, I'm pleased to meet you.'

"I'll help Walker with the drinks, and let you two get acquainted." Jack popped a kiss on the top of her head, 'okay?'

She nodded. 'Good idea.'

'What's your poison, Jean-Luc?' Walker lifted his empty glass.

'White dry wine.'

'Good Lord man, you're not in France now,' he shrugged, resigned 'Beverly?'

'I'll have wine too, dry white.'

'Right I've got that.' Walker made his way towards the bar.

'Be right back - take care of her for me, Jean-Luc.' Jack patted his friend's shoulder.

They were alone in a room full of people.

Jean-Luc smiled, 'I've been looking forward to meeting you. Jack's done nothing but talk about you for weeks now and I can see why.'

'Now that's odd, because I feel I know you already.' She paused as he took the seat next to her. 'They,' she nodded towards the bar where the two men were again laughing, 'do nothing but talk about you, too.'

'Good things, I hope.'

'Are there anything else?'

He smiled then and his whole face changed. 'I hear you're a Doctor; that's something I couldn't do - no patience.'

'If I had no patients, I couldn't be a Doctor.'

He looked at her and then threw his head back and laughed. 'No, you're right; I think I'll stick to Starfleet.'

'And I'll stick to medicine.'

'Deal!'

Before she could reply Walker returned, 'Well Beverly, has he bored you yet?'

'No, charmed me perhaps.'

Jack followed, kissing her as he sat down. 'That's Jean-Luc.'

It was during that first meeting that Beverly realised she could easily become attracted to Picard. If she had met him before Jack, who knew what could have happened?

As the three of them spent more time together, Beverly realised the attraction was mutual. The weeks passed and it became obvious that neither of them was going to act upon their feelings, so they started to relax around each other and become friends.

Walker and Jean-Luc were a part of her early memories of Jack and they let her turn their trio into a quartet.

After a year, she became pregnant with Wesley and after he was born, Jack was so proud. He brought champagne and his arms had been so full of red roses she thought he'd brought the shop. And was she aware that there was no such thing as blue roses? What about people who had sons? She'd laughed as she accepted the flowers. As she arranged the flowers, she paused to watch as her husband gently picked up their son, and settled himself and the baby into the rocking chair.

As tears rolled down her face, she knew she'd never been happier.

She had a husband who adored her, a medical career that was going well, and now a healthy baby son; no one could possibly have ever been happier.

Wesley took his first steps, and on his first birthday, Walker arrived with a teddy bear so large he couldn't carry it alone, and had to talk Jean-Luc into helping. Picard brought an old leather bound book of fairy tales, in which he'd written 'To Wesley on your first birthday, a book to help you realise the dreams you've yet to live. JLP.'

Time passed and Walker's assignments seemed to keep him close to Earth, whereas Jean-Luc went out into the stars.

Then Jack was appointed as Jean-Luc's first officer and all their lives changed.

"Beverly, Beverly."

She opened her eyes; Karm was gently shaking her arm. "You fell asleep," by way of explanation.

"I'm sorry," Beverly tried to stand and found her foot had decided to stay asleep; she almost fell back into the chair.

"Don't worry," Deanna smiled across at her, "it was only a few moments."

"I haven't been sleeping well, I..."

Deanna interrupted in understanding, "you haven't missed much. Will was telling us what it's like to be so tall." Deanna looked her straight in the eye as she spoke, ignoring Riker, yet obviously teasing him; there was a sparkle in her eyes.

Will raised an eyebrow then settled back into his chair as he spoke, "And you can go back to sleep now because Deanna's about to tell us about chocolate."

Deanna threw him a look that she saved just for him and he winked.

Beverley wasn't sure what she'd actually missed but something told her Will and Deanna were going to be alright. She just wished she could say the same thing about herself, but the dream had been interesting. It had served to reminded her just how happy they all had been back then.

The session ended and they all stood and chatted for a few moments. Will and Deanna offered to introduce Karm to the joys of Ten Forward.

Deanna smiled, "Joining us, Beverly?"

"No thanks, I think I'll have an early night."

Riker stepped forward, "You're welcome, you know." He touched her arm, "more than welcome."

"I know and thanks, but really it's an early night for me."

"Excuse us a moment," he said to Karm and Deanna, guiding Beverly to one side.

"Take some of your own advice, Doctor, and talk to the Captain."

She shook her head, "I can't, Will, you just don't understand." She stopped as he touched her shoulder.

"No, maybe I don't, but he's worried about you, we all are. Please Beverly, talk to him."

"No, I couldn't."

"Why? Don't you trust him?"

Her head flew up and he saw the anger and fire in her eyes that he hadn't seen since this started.

"How dare...!"

He cocked his head to one side and folded his arms.

He'd baited her and she'd risen to it.

"So talk to him."

Captain Jean-Luc Picard sat on the bridge, although his mind was not where it should be. It annoyed him, more than that, it enraged him that someone could violate members of his crew, his friends.

They had headed for Ullian space so their counsellors and therapists could help but from what he could see, nothing seemed to be helping. Deanna Troi had been a source of strength and support in his recovery after the Borg. In fact he wasn't sure he would have recovered so well if it had not been for her. He trusted her. Now he had to watch as she struggled to cope with her own "rape," for that was what it had been for all of them. Yet his own "violation" had been from the Borg, an enemy. Hers came from a trusted and treasured friend, Will Riker, or at least his image.

Watching his first officer struggling to contain his anger while trying to find a way of understanding something none of them could have imagined was hard. The look in Will's eyes when he'd been told of Deanna's attack had caused Jean-Luc to turn away for a split second. It was as if they told him something his sanity, possibly his soul, could not bear. That look would live with Picard for a long time, possibly for ever.

Then there was Beverly. It had taken him three attempts to read the report detailing her, 'attack', and after reading it, he was certain some details had been omitted by his CMO. He had no proof other than a gut feeling yet something was missing. For her to be made to 'view' Jack's body would have been heartbreaking, yet there had to be more as that alone would not have been enough to cause her mind to seek refuge in coma. She...they had lived through that terrible time.

There had to be more. The Ullians knew, yet it seemed the doctor was unwilling to discuss it outside of the counselling sessions.

If only Counsellor Troi were in a position to help but due to her own recovery, he hesitated to ask her if she knew anything.

He had tried twice to speak to Beverly himself and both times she'd given him valid reasons not to have dinner or breakfast. Something eluded him, yet he couldn't put his finger on it. All he knew was, as he watched her, the cloak she wore to protect herself from the nightmare seemed to be wearing thin. He wanted to help, but how?

He found Karm in Ten Forward, sitting alone, watching the stars. Raising his hand to indicate to the waiter that he wanted nothing, he made his way to the Ullians' table. She had her back to him.

"Captain Picard, please take a seat."

He paused.

"You forget, Captain, I'm a telepath."

The Ullian's smile disarmed him and he took a seat opposite her. "Ahh, yes of course. I hope you're enjoying the view." He gestured to the window, "I'm told this is a favourite table for many of the crew and visitors."

She smiled again and moved her body, giving him her full attention, "Tell me why you came to find me, Captain?"

"I wondered if you'd settled in and had everything you required."

"Yes, thank you," her attention turned back to the stars, yet he stayed.

"Was there anything more, Captain?" She looked at him and waited, her hands forming a bridge on which she rested her chin.

"Yes, I was wondering how the counselling sessions were coming along."

"Did I not explain correctly? The sessions are for each individual to recall their own memories. The memories are private to the person, not to be discussed with others, unless they choose to do so."

His head went down for a split second. "Yes I know, I just wondered if there was anything I should know... as their Captain."

"No, nothing."

"I see, thank you Counsellor."

He stood and she reached out her hand but did not make contact. "Captain Picard, may I suggest you ask her yourself?"

"Is there anything she would tell me?"

"That I cannot say, and you will never know unless you ask."

"Thank you." He moved away slowly.

Karm turned back to the window and watched the stars. She'd known Picard would seek her out and she hoped ­ odd, 'hope' was a human trait not Ullian, yet it suited the situation perfectly; she hoped the Doctor would find the courage to tell him. For unless she did so, Karm could see no way of going forward, as the reality of the nightmare would never let Beverly Crusher's mind rest until she did.

The senior staff meeting was going slowly. Geordi and even Worf looked uncomfortable, while Picard eyes rarely left the doctor, who in turn never acknowledged his presence. Counselor Troi and Commander Riker were so polite to each other it was unnerving.

Data viewed the whole scene with concern. His friends were in 'pain' and he could do nothing to help them. He would speak to Geordi about this.

"Thank you," Picard ended the meeting and before anyone could move, he spoke again. "Doctor Crusher, may I see you in my ready room please?"

The CMO looked trapped, she'd already avoided his requests for breakfast and dinner but this was an order. She wasn't ready to disobey him, but it might have nothing to do with the 'incident' and yet she glanced at him, "Yes, Captain."

She felt like she was before a firing squad, yet he was being so nice. The ready room was just as she recalled it. She had no idea why she thought it would have changed, maybe because she had.

"Would you care for a drink, Doctor?"

"No thank you, I'm fine."

"As you please." He turned to the replicator. "Tea ­ Earl Grey, hot."

Collecting his cup, he gestured her towards the sofa.

She froze. The sofa would mean he would be close, so she chose the chair at his desk.

Jean-Luc wondered again what had happened during her attack that caused her to distance herself from him.

He waited until she was seated before perching on the edge of his desk in front of her. He'd be damned if he'd let her use his desk as a wall between them, but when she sank back in the chair, putting as much distance between them as she could, his heart almost broke. 'She's afraid of me, why?'

He rested the cup on the desk and reached out his hand, "Beverly, hey, we're friends, remember?"

His voice was so soft, so caring, and so different from the nightmare. She wanted to tell him so much.

"Yes, we are," she replied as she silently told herself, 'stay calm, don't panic.'

He left his hand there, upturned, resting on his knee, just waiting for her to take it. "Then tell me what's wrong. What happened?"

If she just took his hand it'd be alright, wouldn't it? Just an inch and she'd be safe with Jean-Luc.....Jevs face flashed into her mind. 'No,' she couldn't take his hand. She wouldn't let Jev hurt him.

"Beverly," he wanted to help. What was scaring her ­ was it him?

She needed to move, to breathe. Standing, Beverly walked to the window ­ the stars. "You already know, Jean-Luc."

She watched his reflection as he moved to stand behind her, so close she could smell his cologne.

"You read the report."

"I'd like to know what wasn't in the report." Quietly, Jean-Luc, don't startle her.

"Are you accusing me of falsifying a report, Captain?" She didn't turn, and the tone of her voice remained the same.

"I am asking my friend why she's hurting."

"And maybe she doesn't want to tell you."

She glanced over her shoulder, "Isn't privacy allowed any more?"

"Yes, it's allowed but sometimes, things are better spoken of than kept to yourself."

He watched her reflection in the glass as she closed her eyes.

"Do you really think so, Jean-Luc?" A single tear escaped before she scrunched up her face, stopping them.

Something was very wrong. "Beverly, what is it?"

He waited. His fingers turned into a fist as he fought the impulse to grab her shoulders and make her face him, but he'd never force her. She knew he'd wait "Beverly, please, what is it?"

"Jean-Luc," her voice was so quiet he could hardly hear her, so he moved his head forward to catch what she said. "I saw Jack's body."

His heart caught in his throat at the raw pain in her voice.

Reaching out, he placed his hand on her shoulder. The action was purely instinctive as he lowered his voice, 'Beverly.'

"Why would he do that? Why, Jean-Luc?" She turned and his hand fell from her shoulder as she looked him in the eye. "Can you tell me why?"

His stomach lurched as she looked at him, her blue eyes glistening with tears. "Beverly, I'm your friend...let me help you please..."

She cut him off, "Was it my fault?"

He shook his head.

She was exhausted and he wondered when she'd slept last. "Beverly."

"Damn it, Jean-Luc, answer me!" She shouted. "Why would he do that to me?" her voice dropped barely to a whisper, "why?"

"I don't know...." What could he say to take away her pain? All he wanted to do was hold her in his arms and take the pain away, but he couldn't cross that line.

She brushed past him, "I didn't think so."

He'd hesitated too long, "Beverly."

She paused but didn't turn round. "Yes, Jean Luc?"

"Please, will you talk to me?"

"I just did, Jean-Luc, and you couldn't help." She left.

He moved and filled the empty space at the window.

Riker looked at Troi as Beverly Crusher left the ready room.

He could see the doctor was close to tears, as she walked slowly, almost deliberately, to the lift. Will started to get up to go after her, but Deanna restrained him by placing a hand on his arm.

"Leave her Will, she needs to be alone."

The first officer slumped back in his chair.

She had helped him so much yesterday that he'd been sure that speaking to the Captain would help. Now, seeing the result of his interference, he wished he'd just kept quiet. What had happened in her nightmare or 'rape' to cause her so much pain? Once again, his anger at Jev was overtaking him.

If he could just have five minutes alone with him; he'd make sure Jev regretted ever hearing the name Enterprise.

Deanna turned and frowned at him; she was worried his thoughts towards Jev were becoming more unstable. They had spent the night talking eventually; Will had appeared to have his anger a little more under control. This morning over breakfast, he had told her what Beverly had said in the lift. Now, seeing the doctor leave the ready room with tears in her eyes his anger had been rekindled.

Deanna had no idea what had happened to Beverly, but she sensed it was something to do with Jack, and just now she had the 'impression' it also had something to do with Captain Picard. Had she the strength to ask, to help? Long ago, she'd realised the CMO was a private person, and that some things were kept solely to herself.

Beverly Crusher stepped into her quarters; inside the door, she gulped for air. She walked away, knowing she'd hurt him, yet if she'd stayed...'Keep calm and breathe, Beverly, breathe'.

Crossing the room she activated the replicator. "Lemon tea. Hot."

The cup materialised.

Cradling it in both hands, she savoured the warmth, then suddenly, without warning launched it against the wall. Sighing, she leaned her shoulder against the wall and watched the tea run onto the floor.

Smashing the cup hadn't helped. She was still angry as hell and now she'd have to clean up the mess.

Picard stood looking out of the window, waiting for his temper to abate. Counsellor Troi was on the bridge, and in her present state, he didn't want his feelings to affect her. He had to get a grip on his emotions.

'Damn the woman!' He'd offered her help and she'd refused to let him. He was her friend, wasn't he? What did she want from him ­ to stand by and let her suffer?

And she hadn't taken his hand.

The door beeped. He looked up ­ couldn't they leave him in peace? "Come." He moved behind his desk.

"Captain Picard." It was Karm. "May I speak with you?"

He looked at the woman and had to admit she had timing. "Please take a seat. May I get you some refreshment?"

"No thank you, Captain."

Picard waited; she had sought him out. Yet only yesterday evening...she spoke, breaking his train of thought.

"You're wondering why I've come now."

"Yes."

"Because one of our people, Jev chose to take the road of violence and to break our oldest law. Your people have been hurt. This causes us pain, yet I can't divulge the nature of the memories of others."

"I realise that, Counsellor!" Realising his tone was sharper than he'd intended he paused. "I'm sorry."

"Captain, the aim of the counselling is to bring the memories back into their proper perspective. It is documented in our archives that the memories used by the rapists," she paused as Picard winced at the word, then continued, "are found deep, deep in the subconscious. They are memories that hold deep personal and intimate meaning to the victims. Otherwise the..." She searched for the right word. "The thrill­excitement the attacker got would not be worth the effort, do you understand?"

Jean Luc nodded.

"The more intimate and meaningful the memory, be it love, desire, fear, pain, the more you feel it and the deeper it is buried. Those are the memories the rapist searches for. In some cases, the attacker distorts the true memories. In some more serious incidents, the attacker also puts themselves into the memories."

"That's what happened to Riker and Troi." Picard was on his feet. "Did that happen to Beverly?"

"I am not saying that any of this happened to your people, Jean-Luc Picard. I am explaining what we have discovered in our old records." She stood.

He sat down again. "Yes, of course."

"Think on what I have said, Picard, but remember the memories are real and painful, even if they are not true." She left, there was nothing else she could say, or maybe she'd said too much already. Who could say? Everyone's story was their own.

Captain Jean-Luc Picard remained seated as if the energy had drained out of him. His friend, his best friend, was hurting and she'd walked away from him; worse he'd let her. What had he been thinking? Mutter a few nice words and she'd be alright, and they could go back to breakfasts and dinners? She'd been raped, and he'd sat at the same table as the man who'd attacked her and spoken of pleasantries. He'd given Jack his word he'd look after them, but he'd failed. For ten years he'd had no contact with them other than through Walker and his wife. Then they'd shown up on the Enterprise, on his bridge ­a boy, so like his father, and Beverly. A constant reminder of what he could not change, and what he could not have ­ a family. He ran his hands over his head, the panic building.

Had Jack Crusher had a premonition before he'd died? Over the years Jean-Luc had often wondered because the week before the accident, they'd been having dinner. Instead of the normal banter and ship talk, Jack had been quiet, and then he suddenly asked, 'Jean-Luc, if anything happens to me.'

Picard had raised his hand to silence him immediately. 'Like what? Winning a hand at cards?' he'd quipped, uneasy at the turn in the conversation.

'No such luck, you're too good Jean-Luc, but if something does happen, promise me you'll look after them.'

Picard massaged the back of his neck, but Jack's face came back to him, 'Jean-Luc, are you listening?'

He dismissed his friend out of hand, 'Of course I am.'

But Jack had stood and held his arm. 'Jean-Luc this is important; it's my family. Please, if anything happens to me, I'd feel better knowing you'll be there for them. I know you're not keen on children, but he'll grow.'

They laughed. It was a standing joke that Picard did not get on with children.

'And Beverly, regardless of how self­confident she appears, she'll need help, Jean-Luc, and the two of you get along well, don't you?"

Picard looked into his friend's face ­ did he know? 'Jack, I...'

Jack smiled.

'Jean-Luc, there is no one in the world I trust more than you.' He'd paused. 'That's why I'm asking you. They're my family.'

'Jack, I'll do my best but...' he could say no more, the younger man pulled him into a bear hug.

'I know you will, and anyhow I've no plans on going anywhere and leaving you my family.'

'Come on. I'll stand you a drink in Ten Forward.

A week later Jean-Luc was looking down at the body of his best friend and suddenly nothing made any sense.

Data and Geordi walked toward the turbo lift, "so you see........." Geordi stopped in mid sentence, and mid stride.

"Doctor." Data acknowledged the CMO but carried on walking as she drew level with them.

"Gentlemen." The Doctor walked past them. There was something different about her but Geordi couldn't quite put his finger on what it was.

Data stopped and turned, "Geordi, is something wrong?"

"Data," the engineer paused as if gathering his thoughts, "Doctor Crusher, did you notice something different about her?"

"Different?" Data fell silent as he considered the question. "No, Geordi. However, the Doctor was not wearing her lab coat. Which in itself could not be considered different, however........"

"That's it, Data," Geordi cut him off, then whistled. "And that look on her face," he whistled again, lower this time, "I wouldn't want her after my tail."

"Why would the Doctor want a tail? To my knowledge, she has never shown an indication of wanting a tail........"

Geordi replied smiling. "It's a figure of speech Data."

The two friends fell into step.

"Geordi, have you ever wanted a tail?"

The turbo lift door closed behind them, as Geordi started to laugh. "Data, forget the tail."

She shook her head. Tonight, considering where she was going and what she had to say when she got there, she doubted she would ever want to laugh again.

"Computer, location of Captain Picard."

"Captain Picard is on the bridge."

Damn. He'd gone to the bridge; when she'd set off he had been in his quarters. She changed direction and made for the bridge.

"Crusher to Picard."

"Yes, Doctor." his voice sounded uncertain and she could not blame him, given their last meeting. But what could she say while he was on the bridge?

"Doctor?" His voice changed slightly, he was becoming irritated. "Doctor?"

The doors to the bridge opened, and Beverly stepped through. "Yes, Captain."

Picard turned, and the look on his face told her he was angry. His eyes flashed with annoyance. "Doctor Crusher, my ready room, please." Without waiting, he moved.

"Doctor," Will Riker had risen from his chair and caught her arm, "Beverly are you alright?" The concern in his voice was evident.

"No, Will, I'm not." Breaking free of his grasp, she followed the Captain's footsteps to the ready room.

Riker stood staring as the doors closed behind her.

"Commander." Worfs deep baritone, "Commander." This time his voice had the desired effect of nudging the First Officer into movement.

Dragging his eyes from the door, Riker snapped, "report," as he made his way to the centre chair.

Will wished Deanna was on the bridge; his eyes flicked toward the ready room door.

Worf saw the Commander turn his head. "Sir, shall I request the Counsellors presence on the bridge?"

"No, let her sleep." Riker turned in his chair. That was all he needed ­ a telepathic Klingon; the thought made him smile. Lowering his voice, he met Worf's' eyes, "I'm fine," wondering as he spoke, whose mind he was trying to put at ease, the Security chiefs or his own, and the look on Worf's face told him he'd failed to convince him either!

"Doctor, what the hell do you think you were doing? The Enterprise's comm. system it is not to be used frivolously. As well you know." His anger was evident. Taking his position behind his desk, Picard glared at his CMO.

"I apologise." Beverly had entered the room just enough to let the doors close behind her but no more.

"You are a senior member of the staff; I do not expect to have to remind you of such regulations....." He stopped; for a normally reserved man, he suddenly felt an overwhelming surge of affection for the woman in front of him. "....again."

"You won't, Captain." Retreating behind the roles they had played for so long, Crusher stepped into the room and put herself in the 'at ease' stance in front of his desk.

The tension was palpable; Beverly's eyes were locked with his.

"Riker to Picard," the first officer's voice cutting through the silence.

"Yes, Commander?"

"Engineering report they have repaired the replicator in Ten Forward."

"Thank you, Commander." Picard raised his eyebrows as if wondering if his First Officer had lost his senses.

"He's worried about me." Beverly spoke, as if by way of explanation, still 'at ease' yet her posture appeared to have changed a little, softened, at the sound of Will voice.

"Ah, I see." Rising from his chair, he tugged his tunic down as he replied to Riker, "Thank you..." pausing for a brief second before adding "...Will"

The relief in Riker's voice made Picard smile.

"Does the man think I'm an ogre?" Jean-Luc muttered as he took a step toward normality.

She tilted her head slightly, then moved toward the replicator but changed her mind mid stride; this wasn't the place to have this conversation. "Jean-Luc...I..."

"I know. Here's not the right place. Where?"

He knew her so well. "Your quarters. There's broken china and, by now, cold tea all over the floor." Without explaining, she made for the door. And without asking the obvious, he followed her.

The bridge crew watched as the Captain and CMO made their way to the turbolift.

"Commander, you have the bridge." Picard spoke as he crossed the floor.

"Aye, Sir." Riker's perplexed look was met by one of Deanna Troi's as the doors to the turbolift opened.

Startled to see them together the Counsellor stopped, not realising she was blocking their path. "Captain, Beverly?" she said but she sensed, what...? an overwhelming sense of 'something' from them both.

Over the years Deanna had come to realise that both the Captain and Doctor were capable of 'guarding' their innermost thoughts from her, as they were now.

"Counsellor Troi." Picard nodded and stepped forward, propelling the woman to step forward.

"Beverly?" The unspoken question from the Counsellor, 'are you alright' popped into the Doctor's mind.

"Deanna." No reply. Beverly moved to stand next to Jean-Luc, closer than she had since the 'rape.' Deanna noticed, and felt herself relax. Maybe things would be alright.

They rode in silence. Arriving at his quarters, Picard tapped in his entrance code, stepping aside to let the Doctor enter first, then following her in. Calling for fifty percent lighting as he did.

His quarters were, as always, immaculate, everything in its place and a place for everything. Just like his life, Beverly thought.

"Would you care for a drink?"

Before she could reply he passed the replicator, and walked towards a small wooden cabinet. Opening it, he lifted a bottle of wine. Real wine.

"My brother gave me this when I visited Earth..." He did not have to say 'after the Borg incident.' She knew. "He told me to drink it with friends, and I can't think of a better time than now. Or indeed a better friend to share it with." Smiling, he lifted two glasses and made his way toward her.

"Jean-Luc."

He stopped, waiting for her to continue.

"I can't think of anyone I'd rather be with right now." She had changed her mind; it could wait a little while.

She recognised his need to bring their friendship onto familiar ground. To banish their previous meeting from his mind, that much was obvious, at least to her. Jean-Luc was not always comfortable with the degree of openness she thrived on. But he was trying; she'd meet him half way.

They settled into the sofa, after a while he again refilled their glasses; the silence was comforting. She did not share this degree of intimacy with many people, and knew he shared it only with her. Watching his face as he relaxed pleased her. The wine was good, excellent actually. Rolling the glass between her hands, she wondered if they'd be able to survive what she had to say.

As if reading her thoughts, he put his empty glass on the table between them. "Penny for them?" he asked gently.

"Isn't that my line?" She smiled over at him, declining his offer of a refill.